Stupid
by deadhemoglobin
Summary: The title speaks for itself. Zoro suffers from an unrequited love, or so he thinks. Slight crack. AU. LuZo. Read at your own risk.
1. A Stupid Chapter

**A/N:** Birthday fic extension for Zoro. I own nothing from any of this. Fair warning though, you might fall asleep while reading. Nonsensical. Totally ambiguous. Language mistakes because English is not my mother tongue. Thanks for reading and for putting up with this bullshit.

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"I don't want you talking to that Trafalgar Law, you hear me?"

Strained baritone voice bounces off the marbled wall of a four-meter by three-meter closed space. Rays of the young sun force their way through slits of glass down to his aroused body. After five and a half hand-pumpings, thick spurts of white sticky substance squirt out of his morning hard-on, simultaneously uttering the subject of his frustration, "Luffy."

A minute and twenty-four seconds later in the same venue…

"Fuck!" he mutters under his breath once his heartbeat and respirations even out. "Fuck." he repeats with less strain as he slides down to the cold, unloving, unresponsive floor. Like a metaphor to the subject of his affection.

He runs his hand through his hair, slightly pulling green strands as he watches the water droplets combine with his white guilty pleasure.

"I'm sorry, Luffy." he apologizes to the bathroom's dead air.

Roronoa Zoro has never been this emotionally and sexually defeated in his entire life. Every day, he survives, and barely at that, through jerking off over someone who merely loves adventure, food and 'mysterious' things. He highly doubts if the other man even knows the things called love, lust or just intimate relationships in the least. Monkey D. Luffy, his roommate for a year, his friend for two years, the love of his life for three years, has been oblivious of his hardcore adoration.

Too sappy. Zoro wants to punch himself for being like this. He doesn't believe in 'love at first sight' for in order to love, one takes his time to build a stronghold of emotions based on proper principles and not just from a relationship short-cut like 'I saw you yesterday, I love you today, I marry you tomorrow' sort of things.

Zoro doesn't have any idea why he feels that way for Luffy. As he goes down to memory lane, three years ago, he first saw Luffy in the younger man's trademark red sleeveless shirt, short trousers and a straw hat, fighting two people twice his size, with an accurate danger on his hat-brimmed eyes and a smirk that's pure if not innocent. When Luffy threw his punches like bullets from a Gatling gun and knocked down the two hooligans with a final blow, Zoro knew that he's done. Luffy is gonna be haunting his dreams forever. All types of his dreams, to make matters worse.

It took a year for Zoro to befriend Luffy. A year of stalking, in which he discovers Luffy's favorite food, color, shape, animal, vital stats and whatnot; of research, in which he finds out that they go to the same university; of stolen glances, in which he notices how Luffy's lips parted when he talks, how his pupils dilate when he's amazed, how Luffy's hair flies through the wind, and he can continue describing everything down to the last drop of his memory stick; of subterfuging with Luffy's friends, in which he doesn't get anything because Luffy's friends are such jerks; of ogling behind dark shades, in which he swoons to the sight of Luffy in black and white; of fantasizing when he's alone, in which he has the guilty pleasure. A year of everything before bottling up his courage to talk to the man who has taken over his life.

Turns out, Luffy is approachable. Zoro finds himself talking in a natural tone like he and Luffy are natural born twins. They seem to have a connected brain and are capable of mental telepathy in different intensities of great need, ranging from what-movies-to-watch-on-a-boring-Saturday-night to what-combo-attack-to-execute-to-knock-down-random-opponents.

Luffy becomes Zoro's roommate during the younger man's first year in high school due to his brother's departure for apprenticeship. And in which, Zoro celebrates for a month.

Zoro is a college freshman and works for a part-time job right after class. When he gets home, he finds Luffy preparing their dinner, then Zoro's heart leaps out of his ribcage, drops on the floor and quivers like a fish in land. He feels like they're already in a cohabitation type of relationship, a married couple minus the legal blessing. Now that the presidential election decides for a democratic country where same sex marriage is to be legalized, Zoro starts to hunt his courage, determination and willpower, little by little, to ask for the younger man's heart. Figuratively. He has the enthusiasm of a hungry rabid dog kept in a cell for several years heading to its dinner hall as he thinks about this scheme.

That is, before Trafalgar Law appears in the scene. That conniving bastard—

Loud determined knocks on the bathroom door interrupt Zoro's agonizing subconscious journey to the past.

"Yeah?" with a casual tone, he answers.

"We're running late. What takes you so long in there?" comes the muffled voice through an inch wooden barrier.

Zoro panics and his adrenaline shoots up. He dries himself and pulls on his black shirt and faded jeans.

Opening the bathroom door, Luffy is already dressed and is ready to leave. He grabs a sandwich and follows Luffy outside.

Zoro is a freshman criminology student while Luffy is on his junior year. They go to school together, take lunch together as much as possible and go home together as well. So one random day, when Luffy appears while holding hands with a biology major student, namely, Trafalgar fucking Law, Zoro mourns for sixty days.

Unfortunately for Zoro, Luffy doesn't notice the older man's tantrums, depressive aura and murderous intent towards Trafalgar Law. The three of them continue to hang out together, much to Zoro's chagrin. Luffy always insists on picking up Law in his own dormitory so they can go to school together, always drags Law to eat lunch with them, to go home with them, even to spend Saturday nights in his and Luffy's dormitory.

Zoro endures the pain, the agony, and every salt to his wounds. He needs to be with Luffy despite the eyesore that is Trafalgar Law. He needs to watch over Luffy before that conniving bastard does something… illegal outside the confines of marriage and without consent from the person involved. Luffy is strong and can protect himself from everything but Zoro needs to play his role as a jealous roommate.

After two months multiplied by two, Zoro finally gets over the heartbreak of seeing Luffy holding, hugging, talking, looking and (insert all conservative verbs here) with Trafalgar Law. He finally decides to act normal in front of Luffy but a sudden news that can crash an infant's heart surfaces from Luffy's mouth.

"Law confessed his love for me." Luffy utters like he merely gives objective observation on a Sequoia tree.

To say that Zoro was heartbroken, disappointed, shocked and chagrined is a grave understatement.

He is going to the state of lunacy. He is starting to become a fucking lunatic.

Lunatic, in fact, that he feels his soul leave his body and his mind separates to three. He's not an expert in psychiatric conditions but these sensations feel like he's suffering from a post-traumatic stress disorder but more likely a dissociative condition that his mind can't muster. Whether he's aware of it or not is unknown. He feels his subconscious defense mechanisms protect him from recognizing all full effects of this horrific traumatic event by allowing his mind to forget and move itself from this painful memory, thus dissociation. Maybe it's gonna be dissociative amnesia or dissociative fugue or dissociative identity disorder or depersonalization disorder, which is which, whatever is fine, he doesn't care as long as this agonizing event leaves his mind.

"Videbeck is gonna kick your ass." One disunited personality whispers to Zoro's ear.

"I don't claim this information as my own."

"Well, put a disclaimer on it."

"Alright, all psychiatric conditions mentioned here are based on my memory's photography of my lessons in Psychiatric Mental Health. I don't know if they're accurate. Her highness, Videbeck owns them." Zoro recites.

"Fair enough, but still rude. Well, that should do. Move on now."

"Okay." He answers.

In which, Zoro moves on and his story continues.

Luffy doesn't think about this confession a lot though. He still acts the same way in front of them, the same carefree, cheerful attitude with a tinge of childishness and gourmet—

Zoro is once again cut down from his sidetrip to the past…

"Hey Zoro." Law greets the green-haired man in his usual sexy-ass smirk, a definition brought to life by Law's fangirls, though to Zoro's opinion, it's just one upturned pair of ordinary lips.

A sudden realization hits Zoro's senses. Maybe, one of the reasons why he hates Law so much, other than of course the _major_, stand-alone, gargantuan reason which is stealing Luffy from him, is because they are both swordsmen. Birds of the same feather flock together but thieves loathe their fellow thieves, don't they? The former deals with the physical aspect and the latter deals with the mental one, but to Zoro, they're just the same figure in logic. He doesn't know and he doesn't care. It's just a random unnerving thought that he needs to voice out. Or type out.

With glaring eyes and a churning jealousy in his chest, Zoro watches as Law throws his arms around Luffy's shoulder. And the damn oblivious Luffy just laughs at the damn bastard while that gesture is screaming "Malicious Molest!" in bold kaleidoscopic letters. At least, to Zoro's assessment.

"Bye Zoro! See ya at lunch!" Luffy's sweet voice cuts him off mid-thought. Time flies so fast, Zoro isn't in any way aware that they have already entered the un-lax grounds of the university. Law winks at him which he quickly returns with an eyebrow raised in a speculative manner. He watches the two raven haired men stroll side by side on the paved pathwalk.

Zoro sighs and closes his eyes. He has decided. He's going to confess to Luffy. No backing off. No excuses. No tails between legs. No fear.

Though the last sentence isn't an advertisement for a certain brand of gears.

He's gonna do it if he wants to be with Luffy. All for Luffy, the love of his life.

Ten thousand seconds later…

"What are you saying?" Puzzlement is evident in Luffy's tone. "I thought you already know!"

"What?" Zoro's heart does the jumpy thing. "What do I know?"

_That I and Law are boyfriends now!_

Zoro prepares himself for answers congruent to this thought. He doesn't need to break down in front of Luffy in times of emotional shit like this. Yeah. It'll hurt but he'll move on, probably after he died but whatever. At least he had moved on, even in afterlife. He'll respect Luffy's decision. The younger man can choose whoever he wants as a lover just fine.

Zoro's not gonna cry. But that's a lie.

"That I like you too, Zoro!" with a sunny grin, Luffy lays it out open in broad daylight, as bright as the word bright, as clear as the compulsive ritual of a person suffering from obsessive-compulsive disorder.

Holy shit. Holy fucking shit. Holy motherfucking shit.

"What about Law?" Instead of doing a surprise reaction, a double-take, or a monologue of his pitiful feelings like most characters usually do, Zoro asks the most insignificant question in his entire life. And it involves the person he fucking detests, to top that.

"What about him? He's just a friend to me. I already told him _that_ and he knows that I like you."

"He knows that you like me?" Zoro feels like a parrot.

"Yeah. When he confessed to me, I turned him down and said that I like you." Luffy pauses and seems to collect his memory.

"That asshole." Zoro whispers, careful not to be heard by the younger man. When Zoro thinks about it, Law started to become so touchy-feely, clingy huggy spider to Luffy after the bastard's confession. The bastard also starts to give him meaningful devious glances like saying I-and-Luffy-just-had-sex-in-your-bedroom kind of glances.

Luffy interrupts his thoughts.

"Then I asked him for an advice, he said that maybe you feel the same for me and I didn't believe that because you're stupid and you're so cold to me. I asked him why he thought about that and he said because you're always looking at him like he's raping your swords in front of your eyes when I come so close to him."

_Well, it's way more than that,_ Zoro thinks.

Luffy continues and ignores Zoro's mental script. "And then I pondered about it and I assumed that maybe you knew my feelings for you because I'm always happy with you and I'm obvious with my actions. So… yeah. That's that."

Zoro smiles.

"This better be not a fucking dream."

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_Sumimasen_


	2. An Even More Stupid Chapter

**A/N:** Sorry. Please don't expect this to be good because it's not. I'm no good at all. I'm tired and all things social networking. Language mistakes. Ambiguity. Nonsense.

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"I bought Pirates of the Caribbean." Luffy thrusts his hand inside the paper bag to get a black prism. "Uhm, On Stranger Tides. Oh, I already watched this one! In theaters! But I still want to watch it." Then the younger man wrinkles his eyebrows and flops down on the couch, as if he's just lost a marathon.

Zoro bites back a laugh and flops down beside Luffy. The thing is that Luffy is completely a cute dork, all the freaking time, he can say. And the best part is that it's not intentional. Zoro finds it miserably hot yonder all stupid rationale. He's tried to convince himself weeks on end that eating a mountain hill of meat with a chipmunk face is not hot and neither is dreaming to become the Pirate King and sail freely around the world. All these musings were futile though. Luffy drooling at the mention of meat and sticking chopsticks up his nose will always be adorable in Zoro's eyes and will always make the older man's jeans uncomfortably tight in inappropriate places.

"I thought you already owned four of them." Zoro grabs the remote and turns on their television while Luffy is now stuffing his face with chips.

"Ace stole the fourth one. And fell asleep when I tried asking him about it. He's a troll, and sleeps everywhere. You two should meet."

"Oh, he's a good guy then. And hey, you're one to talk!"

"Brilliant theory." Luffy offers a smug smile while nonchalantly lowering his head on Zoro's lap, fingers touching Zoro's belt buckle.

Zoro returns the smug smile back. And the movie about the adventures of pirates in the Caribbean is left on its own to end.

It's been sixty-two days since they started going out. None of them cared to announce if they're already boyfriends or what, but Zoro's already certain that they _are_, if the constant torrid kisses and handjobs and blowjobs at unexpected places like the men's restroom in a random mall, or the alleyways of the university, or in the bedroom of a _certain_ unpopular biology student were any indication. Of course Zoro didn't expect that Luffy is as enthusiastic as he is about physical romance, but he mused that Luffy's just going with what's inside his head and never holds back, _which_ the older man is grateful enough, because Zoro is tired of holding back anymore. Of all these years of pent up emotion, who wants that?

Zoro's been wondering this one thing all this time though. _When will we go all the way?_

But it seems like Zoro's rapt thinking is answered right away.

"What are you-" Zoro trails off when Luffy doesn't proceed on giving him the _head_ after fully stripping both their clothes off but produces a condom and lube from the paper bag. "Oh…" Zoro's heartbeat rises.

"Shishishi! Zoro, look!" Luffy practically shoved the container to Zoro's face, and in which the older man retreats. "The lube's flavoured! And the condom smells like apple! Law said it'll make our first time more fun!" The wide smile on Luffy's face doesn't help Zoro's nervousness.

"W-wait, wait. You were with Law? You bought this with Law?"

"Yup. Come on, let's try it now!"

"Fuck." Zoro mutters under his breath, shaking his head vehemently as the younger man climbs on top of him. "Why did you buy this with Law? People will think you're with him. And not with me."

"Eh?" Luffy tilts his head to the side. "Why would people think that? I'm not with him. Though people were really looking at us when Law suddenly kissed my cheeks when we part ways. Like, weird. Some people are weird."

An armada of anger sure wants to burst out from Zoro's lungs when he hears that but he holds it in; it's hopeless to explain these things to Luffy. The older man just grabs Luffy by the shoulders, pulling him down so they could kiss again.

Zoro's going to make sure that Law understands _his_ place. He's going to confront that bastard of a Law one of these days that Luffy is _Zoro's_ boyfriend; that they are official boyfriends now and no one's permitted to lurk around _his_ boyfriend anymore.

Exploring his mouth has always been a habit of Luffy and Zoro is not one to argue. If someone asks him one day if what part of his body is sensual, he'll answer "my tongue". What is there to be ashamed about anyway? His tongue has the ability to taste and to feel, wet and hot and-

Zoro unwraps his arms from Luffy's shoulders, while Luffy's propped on his elbows and arms to support his weight. Angling their heads to deepen the kiss and tongues still dancing, Zoro reaches down for the abandoned condom.

"Leave it, I don't want it." Luffy breathes to his lips. They share a knowing look for a while - the one that the two of them could only decipher - until Zoro smashes their lips again, then reaches for the lube in a crazy attempt to open it by force because the damn container is still sealed. With practiced facility, he manages to coat his fingers with the lubricant – which smells like cinnamon – and blindly reaches between their sweat-slicked bodies to pump Luffy's member.

The younger man detaches his lips from Zoro to look down on both of Zoro's hands massaging his raging cock and balls with the lube.

There's a series of strained moans coming from Luffy's lips - which the younger man clearly has a hard time holding back – while he twists his hips in tune with Zoro's hand movements.

"Hold up, Zoro. I'm-" in which the older man stops.

"Yeah?" there's a nervous lilt in Zoro's voice.

"Let me-" Luffy doesn't even finish his sentence when Zoro gives him the lube. The younger man quickly puts a fair amount on his fingers and reaches under Zoro's package to insert a finger.

Luffy maintains eye contact, but Zoro wants to look away just to be able to breathe properly. He is burning, but he wants this. He's been waiting for this for _months_, well, two months. And he's not gonna back out.

A finger is quickly followed by a second, and Zoro's never been this stimulated in his entire life. He thinks he can just come from the stimulation down there because Luffy's fingers are buried deep, and has touched - but just barely - his sweet spot.

Zoro licks his dry lips and dares to look at Luffy's eyes, full of want and desire but mostly love. Maybe it's love, maybe it's not. But he's sure it's love. _Ugh, confusing but whatever_. His brain is breaking down from all these dopey concepts of love.

The older man nods and Luffy understands.

Zoro watches, wide-eyed when Luffy lifts his hips, one of his legs thrown over the younger man's shoulder and the other wrapped around the younger man's waist.

"Fuck-" Zoro whispers almost worshipfully, reaching out to curl his hands over Luffy's hips when Luffy enters an inch. He bucks up, aiding the movement and Luffy groans painfully in his throat.

Even though Zoro wants this so bad, and imagines it in impish detail, the pace they set is as calm as a river on a spring, instead of a frantic snowfall on a winter. It's a slow roll of hips, brushing painfully over and over, until both bodies have found the rhythm and start going a little bit faster every second. It's so pleasurable that it hurts. But what doesn't hurt when it's one's first time? Zoro isn't vocal, everyone knows that. But he finds himself babbling some Japanese food or something in his desire for more, _right there Luffy_, please.

A jerk of Luffy's hands and Zoro comes first, spilling hot and wet on both their abdomens, back arching, head tilting backwards, exposing his sexy toned neck. Luffy follows not long after; spilling everything inside Zoro; kissing the older man's exposed neck as he does so. Pleasure overshadows both their thoughts so they lie still and listen to their racing heartbeats and breaths to even out.

As expected, both men have fallen asleep right there and then, _on the pool of their own jizz_. And Zoro's thoughts before completely going to another dimension is,

"Yep, I'm not dreaming."

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_Sumimasen_


End file.
